It’s important if your son is very upset that you sit and listen to him. Don’t make light of the situation. This is a very trying time for any teen, especially if it is happening for the first time.
How you handle it will determine the first early weeks post break up. This is a really big deal in a teens life. It may be the first serious relationship and teen girls can be fickle. Sometimes they just don’t see the end coming. Here’s some points to consider.
What age are they?
So when it ends it can be very raw. This is possibly the first ‘I love you’ and first physical experience. We had of course discussed the practicing of safe sex, but not actual details. As long as they were being careful, I didn’t need or want to know anything further.
So to be rejected is a heavy blow to the heart. They are asking themselves, What did I do? What could I have done differently?
And the reality is at this age, probably nothing. The reason it has ended is more than likely nothing that they did wrong or said.
Teens change their minds like (I was going to say underwear!) - pretty often. One minute everything is fine and the next it’s all over.
This is not something that should be encouraged. Unless it’s a very long term relationship and this is a minor blip. Otherwise I would suggest that all contact be broken. If they have ended it once out of the blue they will do it again.
No meet ups.
If items need to be returned try and do this without contact.
Life Will Get Easier
All Part of Growing Up
Learning to cope in a whole range of situations make them become better adults. Life unfortunately is not always how we want it to be. Everyone is an individual and relationships end for all kinds of reasons.
Especially with teens, when their hormones are racing and they don’t know what they feel from one day to the next. So the ‘All part of growing up’ conversation might be a few weeks post breakup but it is worth having.
Are they upset at all?
- They may not be upset because they could see or feel that the relationship was coming to an end and the feelings were mutual. Depending on the length of time in the relationship this is ok. Some things just come to a natural conclusion and everyone is happier that it is over. There will be moments that they will suddenly miss the other person. A movie on tv, or a song will trigger a memory and bring it all back.
- But on the other hand if they seem not to be upset at all they may be in denial. This is not a good outcome. This prolongs the process of dealing with the breakup. It’s true that teenage romances can be on and off and back on again. But if you get the sense that it is over for good you need to gently and carefully keep reiterating this. This is again where the mental health care needs to come into play. It’s important that they learn to accept that the relationship is over. The sooner that happens the easier things will be. But that is easier said than done. This scenario can take much longer to heal.
Whatever way your son has reacted to the break up the most important thing is that they know you are there to support them. Keep checking in with them and keep them busy. They no doubt will just want to lie in bed and feel sorry for themselves and this is ok. But only short term.
Patience as a parent is our best way forward.
Don’t give up and be there for them.
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